You Are NOT Your Customer (And That’s a Good Thing)

One of the hardest truths to swallow as a small business owner is that you are not your customer.

We like to think we are—we assume we know what our people want, what they value, how they shop, how they make decisions. But we’re often wrong. We see our product or service through our own lens, not theirs. And that lens is tinted with assumptions, preferences, and a whole lot of personal bias.

Case in point: my art prints.

There have been so many times where I’ve created an illustration or painting that I felt deeply connected to. It felt meaningful and beautiful and totally worthy of a spotlight in someone’s home. I’d lean into this feeling, turn it into an art print, order a whole stack (usually 15-25), get them all packaged up, and launch them online and at my in person markets, assuming it would fly off the shelves.

And then… crickets.

Not a bestseller. Not even a seller sometimes. Just me, staring at a mound of prints in my studio that I loved, but no one else connected with.

I do this with my greeting card designs too, certain that someone will understand and appreciate and connect with a new design and message, only for it to pile up in stacks, unsold.

It’s a humbling lesson—and one I’m still learning, if I’m honest. I can’t rely on just my personal taste or passion when creating products. That’s not to say passion isn’t important (it is!), but it has to be paired with curiosity, empathy, and research. I’ve had to get better at asking questions and listening—really listening—to what my customers actually want.

So how do you do that?

Think of your 5 best customers—the ones who come back again and again, who sing your praises, who feel like dream clients. Ask them about their experience, but don’t lead them.

Don’t ask questions that force specific answers. (That’s just you fishing for validation.) Instead, ask about the situation they’re in:

✨ Emotion + Aesthetic-Driven Questions:

• What kind of art/design/decor makes you feel at home?

• What colors or vibes are you drawn to lately?

• Is there a piece of art or product you own that makes you smile every time you see it? Tell me about it.

• What kind of feeling do you want your space (or wardrobe / gift / packaging) to evoke?

✨ Shopping Behavior Questions:

• Where do you usually discover new artists or brands?

• What makes you actually click ‘add to cart’?

• When was the last time you loved a product you bought? What made it feel worth it?

• What do you usually look for when shopping for gifts? Any favorite go-tos?

✨ Lifestyle + Context Questions:

• Tell me about your favorite cozy ritual or creative space.

• What’s your go-to vibe when you’re decorating your space or choosing a gift?

• What’s something small that makes your day feel special or beautiful?

✨ Storytelling Prompts:

• If you had to describe your style or aesthetic in a mood board, what would be on it?

• What’s a quote, object, or piece of art that really resonates with you?

• What kind of compliments do you love getting about your home/style/stationery?

And then—this is key—pause and say:

“Tell me more.”

Let them explain. Let them ramble. Let them use their words.

Why? Because the way your customer talks is exactly how you should be marketing your products. Tone matters. Language matters. How you say something often matters more than what you say.

It’s not just about the product—it’s about the story you tell.

So yeah, you’re not your customer. And that’s a good thing. Because when you stop designing for yourself and start creating for them, you open the door to way more impact, connection, and—let’s be real—sales.